Most meaningful of hugs

A week is a long time particularly when you're only 50 odd weeks old.

Out little family was reunited today after a week. I got a huge running hug from G as I walked in and the same from Ali, I was however really curious to see D. It had been a long time for her, had she changed much? How would she react to seeing me?

When she emerged from her nap she really hesitated at the sight of F and I, she turned away and just hugged Ali tightly. It was like a little dagger into my heart, it hurt! While I totally understood; I've just been woken up and now my dad is here? Is it really my dad? Am I really awake? WTF?

A few minutes later to my relief she leaned in to be carried, I did so until my arm got too sore to hold her. I put her down knowing things were better but not yet back to normal. After a further half hour of playing around with occasional visits to me, she came up to me, asked to come into my arms and she gave me a big full on hug, I nearly cried. In fact I'm welling up as I write this, I love her so much.

Before my children I could not really love. F's arrival was the seed that started my journey to reconnect. As much as it hurts sometimes, the delight in that hug makes it all worth while.

She has changed so much in a week. Crawling is totally a thing of the past, she drinks from a straw, sings, asks for help with things, understands certain words/instructions and is so much more confident and independent. I regret missing this one week of her life and so many more of F&Gs. While it can be hard being with them all the time I have no doubt I will look back at this time with them as some of my best days. I have no regrets.